Insta-Roadtrip

"Anicca, baby!" (BTdubs, it's pronounced a-neech-a)

- Tempel Smith

Sense of scale

I bent down to pick up a wrench at the base of a bike stand, stood up too quickly and managed to bang my head on the clamp. It hurt more than it seemed like it should have. That night, I found a clump of dried blood in my hair. Gross.

I was supposed to help build bikes today and instead drove to Denver to help get an order of books for the store. Arvin asked if I would come with him as I was leaving the house. I took a moment to consider that I had no real obligations and that I could help Jonathan at the co-op some other day.
That's it. That's all it took for me to commit to a 12-hour favor with 10 minutes notice. I realized at about Hour 8 that I hadn't taken into account what the chore would really entail or what sort of favor Arvin would owe me. It had at no point occurred to me calculate the "generosity cost-benefit". Arvin wanted help (it was the book distributer's fault that the books would not arrive on time) and I was available. End of story.
So what's my point?
I've spent years trying to cultivate and internalize certain values and develop positive emotional habits. I'm constantly putting energy into improving my relationship to things that cause aversion*. In the past, I would have gnashed my teeth over being self guilt-tripped into such an inconvenient favor— knowing what was the right thing to do, but begrudgingly agreeing only after negotiating the terms of my compensation. Today, it took the same amount of effort to agree to help Arvin as it does to brush my teeth before bed. I've always wanted to be the sort of person who would, with genuine compassion and humility**, give their time and energy to someone else's problem. I can now honestly say that I am that sort of person. Go me!

* Buddhist concept of Aversion: Aversion arises reflexively as an emotional defense against unpleasant sensations. For me, spending money, even on important things, triggers anxiety. I have an aversion to the anxiety so instead of facing reality, I avoid spending spending money and suffer the lack of food or other resources. It's emotionally easier to feel hunger than anxiety. Obviously it's not healthier. If I improve my relationship to the sensation of anxiety, the Aversion will dissipate over time.
**While I was indeed humble in the actual moment, the irony of me blogging about my humility has not escaped me.